Hope in the Valley

Today's guest post is by a dear and long time fiend of ours, Lisa Martin. Lisa and her husband John serve at Grace Community Church in Sun Valley. They lead the music ministry there for the college group "Crossroads". They also play a big role in leading and organizing the "Resolved Conference" and are the voices behind and founders of the group "Enfield". They are dear friends and have, in their walk with Christ, experienced loss & sadness and have found Him faithful. We trust that what Lisa shares will be a great encouragement and help to you. 

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Why are you in despair, O my soul?
And why have you become disturbed within me?
Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him,
The help of my countenance and my God.
Psalm 42:11 (NASB)

This week marks five years since our first little one went to be Jesus. If you had asked me then what I anticipated for the next five years, I could not have imagined where our path would lead. God has seen fit to take my husband and me through a long valley in which we have weathered five miscarriages and many months of infertility. These years have brought heartache, fear, pain, incessant doctor appointments, difficult questions, self-pity and doubt. But these years have also been filled with joy, blessings, mercy, grace, sweet fellowship, trust, worship, and hope. We have known the Father's loving and sovereign care at every turn.

Well-meaning friends respond to our trial in different ways. Some will try to encourage me by saying, "I just know the Lord is going to give you kids!" Others will tell me about someone they know who also had several miscarriages -- but now have more kids than they know what to do with.  While I appreciate the heart behind their efforts to encourage me, this Pollyanna-like wishful thinking all too quickly becomes a snare for my heart and sets my mind clinging to the wrong hope.

Maintaining hope through the long-haul has not been easy but I've come to understand that it is simple. When I fall into self-pity and doubt it is because I have placed my hope in the wrong thing. Hope that rests in having children is ultimately empty. Hope that rests in having the picture-perfect life I planned for myself is ultimately a dead-end. Only hope that rests in Christ and His Cross is sure, satisfying and eternal. All other ground is truly sinking sand. Only Christ is certain. Only Christ is solid ground. The Lord has not promised me children; He has promised me Himself. My hope is in the Gospel. (Psalm 130:7, Lamentations 3:19-24, Ephesians 1:18, 1 Timothy 6:17, Hebrews 6:16:20, Hebrews 12:1-2, 1 Peter 1:3-9)

One of our favorite albums from Sovereign Grace Music (http://bit.ly/9nnok3) is called Come Weary Saints. The first track is a wonderful song called Hide Away in the Love of Jesus. Here are the lyrics to the final verse:

Come hopeless hearts, do not despair
Hide away in the love of Jesus
For ten thousand joys await you there
Hide away in the love of Jesus 

These comforting lyrics immediately bring to mind the joys that await us in heaven; sinless, painless, perfect fellowship with God, unhindered worship, reuniting with saints already there and meeting our five children. But there is comfort in the mean time as well. Thankfully, this is a truth that also applies in the midst of our suffering. There are ten thousand joys that await me right now through abiding in His love. I often find myself thinking that I need children, but what I really need is Him -- and only Him. How do I maintain hope? Unshaken hope comes when God's grace causes me to see that He is all I have and He is everything I need.

At the end of the day, I can honestly say that I am thankful for this valley. No, I would not have chosen this path -- but our kind Father has allowed it for our good and His glory. And indeed God's goodness is evident. He has given us a clearer vision of His character even as we have cried out to Him. He is using this trial to refine us, to reveal our sin, to make us thankful, to cause us to loosen our grip on this world and long for our heavenly home -- as we draw close and hide away in the love of Jesus.

Remembering

In the weeks after Mason's birth I struggled with how to love and remember my son who I would not get to care for. In the four days (outside the womb) that he was a part of my life he consumed all that we did and thought. In the weeks after his death, periods of time would go by and I would realize that I had not thought about him. This scared me. I did not want to forget my precious baby but I knew that I could not love and care for him everyday like I did my girls. Loving my girls was familiar to me and I knew how to love them; they consume so much of every day. How do I hold on to Mason's precious memory and still continue on with the life that the Lord has blessed me with?

I came to realize that even though I cannot care for him every day, as I do my girls, I could remember him in small ways. I want to share some of the ways that we remember Mason and the blessings he brought into our lives.

The first way that we remember his precious life is through a photo album we made. This album holds the pictures we took in the four days he was with us and pictures and cards that were made for him during his stay in the hospital. We also have put in this album the verses and songs that we sang at his memorial. There is not a month that has gone by that this album has not been looked at and read multiple times. Most of the time it is one of our girls who pulls it down and looks through the pictures and sometimes asks for us to read it to them. It is our prayer that this little album will help our girls remember their little brother, remind them that he is safe in heaven, and draw them closer to our Lord.

The next way that I remember my precious son is through two gifts that were given to me. The first one was given to me by my parents. I have a necklace that has each of my girls' names on it. My parents had a charm made up with Mason's name and it hangs alongside my girls names. I love wearing this necklace. The second gift was a pair of earrings that were given to me by a dear friend. The earrings were made using Mason's birth stones. I love wearing them!

Every year we purchase our girls a Christmas ornament and this Christmas we also purchased Mason an ornament. We love decorating our tree each year as a family. The girls enjoy rediscovering all their ornaments and talking over the memories that accompany each ornament. It is only fitting that we have an ornament that holds the memory of our precious son.

We also have a box filled with all of Mason's things like gifts given to him and all his things from the hospital. We have not come to his birthday yet, but it is our plan to read through his photo album, look at all the pictures, and look through his things on each of his birthdays. Madisen has also asked to make a cake so I think we might be enjoying some cake at the same time.

In the week following Mason's death, Chris and I talked about setting money aside each month to do something in his name. We did not know what to do but trusted that the Lord would bring opportunities our way to give too. We have been so blessed by the opportunity he has brought us through donating books to hospitals and funeral homes and through this blog. We have been so blessed by the generous support of others who have given to see that this book is given to more hospitals and funeral homes.