One of my favorite hymns is "Great Is Thy Faithfulness". My mind has meditated on the words of this hymn many times especially over the last several years. This hymn speaks of the Lord's faithfulness, compassion, and the strength He will provide you every day. It also speaks of the Lord's mercies, new every morning, that bring bright hope for tomorrow.
Our family has come to wonderful blessing and bright hope for tomorrow. We are looking forward to welcoming another son into our family come August. The Lord is so good!
But...even in the midst of this joy and blessing, is the knowledge of the hurt and heartbreak that came with this same joy last time. I remember finding out that Mason was a boy, going out and buying our first little boy outfit, planning the nursery and making plans for Mason's future. Knowing all the hopes and dreams that were unrealized makes it hard to fully embrace the blessing the Lord is giving us.
As we plan and hope and dream for this new little one inside of me, there is an apprehension that comes with it. It is hard to think of loving and caring for this new little one when there is a little one that you never got to do the same for. I try my best to keep my eyes on today and what the Lord has given us today, cherishing this little life inside of me. I keep reminding myself of these verses...
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Do not be anxious about anything,
but in prayer and supplication with thanksgiving
let your requests be made known to God.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding,
will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7
These verses remind me to trust in the Lord, and not what I feel or understand, and to not worry or fret over the "maybes" and "what-ifs" but to bring those thoughts and concerns to the Lord in prayer. If I do this, He is going to guard my heart. Do this mean that if I do this there will not be any more hardship and hurt in my life? No. But it does mean that when those hardships and hurts do come, He will guard our hearts through them. He will carry us through whatever trial we need to walk through.
So today I am choosing to focus on the blessing of another little boy... anticipating and preparing for his arrival... cherishing the little life the Lord is forming and growing inside of me.
A few weeks ago I came across a beautiful song called "Hug Him Once For Me". This song was written by Erica and she wrote it after her precious son Braden died. After reading over her and her husband's blog I emailed them to see if they would be willing to share their story here on 4 Days To Eternity. They kindly accepted and so here is their story and her beautiful song.
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It was a beautiful July afternoon. My husband and our oldest daughter were on their first daddy daughter date! I was trying to get together the finishing touches for my yard sale the next day. We had just had a huge hail storm the week before so we had a couple insurance guys coming to look at our roof and vehicle. The first gentleman showed up about a half an hour after my husband and daughter had left for their date. He needed the to look at the van, so I had to call Bradley and have him come home. I had just nursed Braden and laid him down for his nap. Normally, Braden napped for about 30 minutes before waking up and requiring me to hold him, so I was hurrying to get all I could accomplished in that time.
Bradley came home and checked on Braden (making it the second head peeked in on him). He had been sleeping now about 45 minutes. Right when the first gentelman finished up, the one for the roof came so we were hopping. I decided to stay inside because Braden would be waking up any minute. Just then a girl from our youth group showed up and we sat in the living room to chat. Braden was napping in our bedroom which is just off the living room. I could hear even a whimper had he made one.
A while later the girl left and Bradley came inside to discuss what we were planning to do with the insurance money. We were so excited because we knew we could do the roof ourselves and save a lot of money! We decided we better check on Braden because he had napped for an hour and a half which was EXTREMELY unusual. We walked in together (which had never been done before either) and I picked up Braden. I screamed, realizing he was not breathing. His little feet were cool. I was mortified. I ran outside to drive him to the hospital as it is only three blocks from our house. In the mean time, Bradley was trying to call 911 on his cell phone but could not think to hit send. I had run out without my keys so I was just screaming for someone to help. Just then a city bus stopped and drove Braden and I to the hospital. The whole time, I was crying aloud, GOD SAVE MY BABY!!!!!
Because we had our, at the time, two year old daughter at home, my husband had to grab the neighbor to watch her and drive him over to the hospital. In the meantime I was there, they had rushed Braden right into a room and stuck me in a room by myself. It seemed like forever, but it was only about five minutes before my husband arrived. The thing I will never forget was my conversation with God in that five minutes. I cried out, "God please save my baby!" And very clearly I heard, "No." I turned around to see who was in the room. No one was there. It wasn't an audible voice I had heard but it was so clear in my heart that it seemed that way. I repeated my plea, thinking maybe it was a mistake. "GOD SAVE MY BABY!" And again the reply, "No."
Now let me stop here to say, I was born and raised in a Christian family, as was my husband. We were both saved at a young age and attended church faithfully. My dad was a pastor and my husband's dad is a pastor. I am a pastor's wife! All this to show that I KNOW inside and out what I should think, how I should act and what I should say. Now back to my conversation with God...
My husband arrived and thus began phone calls, friends, family, our pastor, we had to let them all know to pray. I don't remember a lot of the things that happened outside of my conversation with God. They worked on my son for an hour. All the while I wrestled with God. Bits of our conversation were as follows:
"God, YOU don't understand, I NEED him."
"No child, you need Me."
"I can't live life without him."
"My grace is sufficient for thee."
"You don't have enough grace for this."
"My strength is made perfect in weakness."
"I know You gave Your Son willingly, I won't!"
"Come unto Me all ye who are weak and heavy laden, and I will give you rest."
"NO!"
"Let me hold you, rest."
"NO!"
Then the nurse came in. "Tell me my baby is ok!" "I can't she said, I'm sorry, we've done all that we can."
I collapsed into the chair. At that moment as my world crashed, I felt as though I fell right into the arms of Jesus. The peace that surrounded me was more than I can explain. It truly was as if I finally surrendered, I finally realized that I could not change God's mind. I surrendered to Him because I had nothing but Him!
The next few weeks were kind of a blur. I never imagined planning my son's funeral. Not to mention we had two. One here in Michigan where we live, the other in Indiana, where we were raised. Cards, prayers, visits all comforted us for several weeks. I was soley reliant on God and His grace. I needed it for every breath. We counted the different ways that God had prepared us for this day without our knowing. We counted the blessings of the trial. We were going to be ok.
Then it hit, six weeks went by, then seven...the calls faded, the cards stopped, the visits no more. The people asking how I was slowed and no one dared to even mention Braden's name. It was as though he never existed. Everyone went back to normal and me, I didn't know what normal was. I had nothing "normal" to resort to. Everything I did, I should have had a baby with me. He was 5 1/2 months old...he couldn't just stop breathing. What does "Cause Unknown" mean anyway!?
My life continued as normal as it could...I still did my devotions. I still went to church, I still answered the questions correctly. I still held it together when I needed to. But inside, inside I was dying. My spiritual life was in starvation mode. I longed for something more but didn't realize that I didn't even trust the One I was longing for. I needed grace, but didn't know how to grasp it. I lay in bed one night and finally explained to my husband how I felt. I told him that it was as though I were on a wrestling mat with Satan. No longer was I fighting to stand, but I was pinned to the mat, fighting to breathe. I felt like giving up, like Jesus was in a very distant corner and I wasn't even sure if He cared that I was pinned!!!!!! In fact, there were a few times that I actually fought to get to my knees and then got knocked forcefully back down. When I turned to see who pushed me, I could not tell if it was Satan or Jesus! My husband, being the wise, Godly man that he is answered with the most perfect words, I will never forget. He said, "As you lay there, I want you to look up in the left hand corner." (This is ridiculous I thought.) "There is a rope. Across that rope there is a word written- GRACE. Have you ever climbed a rope?" he asked. "Of course." I said, pondering his thinking. "Then you know it's not easy to climb a rope. It takes work. It's hard. God promises us that His grace is sufficient, not easy. I don't think that it is God being distant from you, but rather that you think it's easier to let go of the rope than it is to climb." His wisdom astonished me. I burst into tears, knowing he was right. I hated climbing. I thought God should always pick me up when it hurt. He continued to amaze me with his answer, "As for being knocked down, obvioulsy Satan will knock us down, but if Mariah (our oldest daughter) were to walk near a fire, your reaction would be to push her away. That would knock her down. Let's say she scraped her knee. She would then cry, "momma why did you hurt me?" But you know that the scratch on her knee, is far less damage than falling in the fire would be. Sometimes it is just Satan, and other times, our Heavenly Father pushes us out of the way of the fire, often scraping our knee." Are you as dumbfounded as I was yet? I could not believe this, as I sat here, knowing that my husband lost the same son I did, he was so understanding of who God is.
Life has not been the same since Braden died, that's obvious. But I can honestly say, God has completely changed my life. I echo the words to the song "God's Been Good". "And though I've had my share of hard times, I wouldn't change them if I could, cause through it all, God's been good."
I truly can say I would not change what God has done in our lives. He has used Braden's death to take me to a walk that is deeper than I could have ever imagined. I'd encourage you to check out our blog to read some more details of how God has used this trial in our lives. You can also see the details of how I came to write the song Hug Him Once For Me on the site. I encourage you that if you do not know the Lord, please please please contact me and I'd be happy to share Christ with you. If you do, continue to trust in Him. He has a plan that far out weighs our thinking. Thank you for allowing me to share my story and I pray that God uses it today to be a blessing. My email is ericamcclure31@yahoo.com and our blog is www.bradmcclure.org
Keeping our minds focused on the Lord can be a challenging task. It seems like there are so many things that can lead us to worry or cause us to fear. Especially when you have lost a precious little one, the future that once seemed so clear can now seem empty and unknown.
Thankfully the Lord's word is filled with wonderful truths that can remind us and guide us and bring us back to resting and trusting in the Lord. Here are just a few.....
"Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him." Psalm 37:7
"... For He Himself has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.' so we may boldly say: 'the Lord is my helper, I will not fear. What can man do to me?" Hebrews 13:5-6
"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
"but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, then will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31
These beautiful verses and more have been put to song on a CD called "Hidden In My Heart" published by Scripture Lullabies. This CD has been such a blessing to me over the last few months. When I find myself struggling with fear, doubt, or worry I listen to this CD and my soul is renewed and refreshed as these biblical truths work on my wayward heart. I know that you might be thinking that this is a lullaby CD, and that lullabies are for children and babies and not for adults. Any child would benefit from listening to this CD, but the truths presented in this CD will also bless any adult.
Now for the Giveaway!
We want to give away a copy of this CD to one of you! This giveaway will be open until Sunday, January 22nd at mid-night and the winner will be announced on Monday, January 23rd.
Ways to enter giveaway:
~ Mandatory Entry, comment on this post in any way!
~ Like 4 Days To Eternity on Facebook
~ Subscribe to 4 Days To Eternity.com
(make sure to make a separate comment for each entry)
There it was. I saw the white fluffy top peaking out from behind the Christmas boxes and a bunch of tangled lights. I pulled out the tiny, white stocking and tears came to my eyes. I shouldn’t be surprised by this as every year when it comes time to pull out the Christmas decorations it happens.
Today I’m going to let you a little bit into my life. 6 years ago we lost our first pregnancy. The tiny white stocking that I pull out every year was the stocking I bought before I knew we lost the baby and it was the stocking I bought to hang on our mantle for our first Christmas pregnant.
It is the stocking that was never hung.
♥♥♥
My husband and I had been married for nearly 3 years. We knew we wanted children and had been praying about when the right time was to start trying. We got pregnant very quickly, however, I immediately had an uneasy spirit about it. I had no real reason to feel this way. After all, I was young and healthy but I just couldn’t shake it.
9 weeks into it I had some complications and called the doctor. I remember waiting that day until the ultrasound appointment. Trying to rest in God, knowing that He had everything under control, but that sense of uneasiness came back.
We went to our appointment and I could tell right away things weren’t right. Sure enough, we got word from my nurse. There was no heartbeat. The ultrasound showed that the baby had passed quickly (at around 6.5 weeks) even though I was almost 10 weeks along. (A missed miscarriage is the technical term)
OF course I cried and my heart broke, but oddly enough, I sensed peace for the first time in a while. With the confirmation that the baby was indeed gone, we scheduled a D&C. I’ll never forget laying on that hospital bed and crying as I was being pulled into the OR.
Why, God? We have sought Your will! We waited for Your timing!
After the surgery, the wonderful staff at my hospital told me that what they got from me would be buried at a tombstone with a verse. They also gave me some brochures and one of them referenced Psalm 139. I read that passage many times before but it took new light for me that day. That passage gave me the strength to press on over the dark, lonely days that were ahead of me.
I remember being at a crossroads. I had 2 choices; to let this bring me closer to God or to draw me further away from Him. God had never failed me before that point in my life, so I had no reason to think He would at that moment, so I chose Him.
♥♥♥
I’ve been able to use my story as encouragement to many other women since then. I’ve cried and prayed with many women who have gone through the same thing and have been able to share my hope that got me through it. My wonderful sister in law had her 2nd son just days after our miscarriage and had some complications that ended up taking away the chance to have children again. Here we were. 2 sisters (who married brothers) each struggling with loss, but in different ways. Our hearts were able to bond quickly and share in our pain of loss.
My nephew and sister-in law, Sue, a week after my miscarriage.
You know the rest of my story. I have 2 wonderful children! But this doesn’t take away the memory of my little one in heaven. Every Christmas I am reminded of this painful time in my life but I’m also reminded of how God graced us with 2 more! I am reminded of how God gives each one of us a story and that He wants it to glorify Him.
I’m also reminded of the crossroads I approached. I shudder to think if I would have turned my back on the Lord at that time and I’m thankful that He drew me to Him in those tender moments. Dear Sister, are you at a crossroads now? Turn to HIM. He will not fail you!
So the stocking? Well, the stocking will always be a part of our family. It may never have been hung, but it’s never going away. It’s a representation of the blessing that God gave to us and then took away, but, Blessed be the name of the Lord.
~~~~~~
Clare Smith
Clare and her husband and 2 children live in Northeast Ohio. She has her bachelor’s degree in business management and left a promising career to be a stay-at-home mom to her children. She is a certified fitness instructor and teaches pilates and group fitness classes at her church and local university. Clare’s passion (outside of raising and nurturing her children and home) is motivating women of all ages and stages of life to live well physically, emotionally and spiritually. Visit her at Peak313and on Facebook!
After the loss of a little one, after experiencing such great sorrow and loss, how can we not help but worry. We worry about the future and the unknown that the future brings. How easy it is to experience something as little as a headache and before we know it we are worrying that maybe it is a symptom of something bigger and life threatening.
Today I want to share with you a post written by Kara Chupp. Kara blogs as The Chuppies and also shares at The Better Mom. Kara has walked the path of loss that so many of you have experienced. Back in 2008 she and her husband lost their beautiful daughter Selah Noelle who was only 4 months old, to the disease Pompe. Kara knows the worry that loss can bring. She shares...
"Worry is never over.
It’s a constant struggle.
But when I start to sink into a swirling pit of fear,
I want to face and fight the battle– With Him and through Him.
…for God gave us a spirit not of fear, but of power and love and self-control. ~2 Timothy 1:7"
Please take the time to read Kara's post "Worry- I Wish I Wasn't So Good At It" over at The Better Mom. I pray that you will be as blessed as I was to hear how Kara keeps her mind and heart on what is true as she encounters fear and worry.
