The Stocking That Was Never Hung

There it was. I saw the white fluffy top peaking out from behind the Christmas boxes and a bunch of tangled lights. I pulled out the tiny, white stocking and tears came to my eyes. I shouldn’t be surprised by this as every year when it comes time to pull out the Christmas decorations it happens.

Today I’m going to let you a little bit into my life.  6 years ago we lost our first pregnancy. The tiny white stocking that I pull out every year was the stocking I bought before I knew we lost the baby and it was the stocking I bought to hang on our mantle for our first Christmas pregnant.

It is the stocking that was never hung.

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My husband and I had been married for nearly 3 years. We knew we wanted children and had been praying about when the right time was to start trying. We got pregnant very quickly, however, I immediately had an uneasy spirit about it. I had no real reason to feel this way. After all, I was young and healthy but I just couldn’t shake it.

9 weeks into it I had some complications and called the doctor. I remember waiting that day until the ultrasound appointment. Trying to rest in God, knowing that He had everything under control, but that sense of uneasiness came back.

We went to our appointment and I could tell right away things weren’t right.  Sure enough, we got word from my nurse. There was no heartbeat. The ultrasound showed that the baby had passed quickly (at around 6.5 weeks) even though I was almost 10 weeks along. (A missed miscarriage is the technical term)

OF course I cried and my heart broke, but oddly enough, I sensed peace for the first time in a while. With the confirmation that the baby was indeed gone, we scheduled a D&C. I’ll never forget laying on that hospital bed and crying as I was being pulled into the OR.

Why, God? We have sought Your will! We waited for Your timing!

After the surgery, the wonderful staff at my hospital told me that what they got from me would be buried at a tombstone with a verse. They also gave me some brochures and one of them referenced Psalm 139. I read that passage many times before but it took new light for me that day. That passage gave me the strength to press on over the dark, lonely days that were ahead of me.

I remember being at a crossroads. I had 2 choices; to let this bring me closer to God or to draw me further away from Him. God had never failed me before that point in my life, so I had no reason to think He would at that moment, so I chose Him.

♥♥♥

I’ve been able to use my story as encouragement to many other women since then. I’ve cried and prayed with many women who have gone through the same thing and have been able to share my hope that got me through it. My wonderful sister in law had her 2nd son just days after our miscarriage and had some complications that ended up taking away the chance to have children again. Here we were. 2 sisters (who married brothers) each struggling with loss, but in different ways. Our hearts were able to bond quickly and share in our pain of loss.

My nephew and sister-in law, Sue, a week after my miscarriage.

You know the rest of my story. I have 2 wonderful children! But this doesn’t take away the memory of my little one in heaven. Every Christmas I am reminded of this painful time in my life but I’m also reminded of how God graced us with 2 more! I am reminded of how God gives each one of us a story and that He wants it to glorify Him.

I’m also reminded of the crossroads I approached. I shudder to think if I would have turned my back on the Lord at that time and I’m thankful that He drew me to Him in those tender moments. Dear Sister, are you at a crossroads now? Turn to HIM. He will not fail you!

So the stocking? Well, the stocking will always be a part of our family.  It may never have been hung, but it’s never going away. It’s a representation of the blessing that God gave to us and then took away, but, Blessed be the name of the Lord.

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Clare Smith

Clare and her husband and 2 children live in Northeast Ohio. She has her bachelor’s degree in business management and left a promising career to be a stay-at-home mom to her children. She is a certified fitness instructor and teaches pilates and group fitness classes at her church and local university. Clare’s passion (outside of raising and nurturing her children and home) is motivating women of all ages and stages of life to live well physically, emotionally and spiritually. Visit her at Peak313and on Facebook!

Worry.........

After the loss of a little one, after experiencing such great sorrow and loss, how can we not help but worry. We worry about the future and the unknown that the future brings. How easy it is to experience something as little as a headache and before we know it we are worrying that maybe it is a symptom of something bigger and life threatening. 

Today I want to share with you a post written by Kara Chupp. Kara blogs as The Chuppies and also shares at The Better Mom. Kara has walked the path of loss that so many of you have experienced. Back in 2008 she and her husband lost their beautiful daughter Selah Noelle who was only 4 months old, to the disease Pompe. Kara knows the worry that loss can bring. She shares...

"Worry is never over.

It’s a constant struggle.
But when I start to sink into a swirling pit of fear,
I want to face and fight the battle–
With Him and through Him.

 …for God gave us a spirit not of fear, but of power and love and self-control. ~2 Timothy 1:7"


Please take the time to read Kara's post "Worry- I Wish I Wasn't So Good At It" over at The Better Mom. I pray that you will be as blessed as I was to hear how Kara keeps her mind and heart on what is true as she encounters fear and worry. 

Verses that Comfort

Over the last few months, Chris and I have had the privilege of speaking at two different hospital sponsored memorial services remembering babies that have been lost while still in the womb or shortly after birth. Here is a summary of what we shared at those services...

I started and shared about Mason's short but precious life (you can read more here or listen here). My husband then went on to share the following... 

Having our son die on Father’s Day is by far the most heart-wrenching thing we’ve ever gone through. And yet in the midst of our sorrow and sadness we did have and experience the hope, peace and comfort that is found in God. Both Anna and I love, serve and follow Jesus and we have found forgiveness of sins and life in Jesus, through His perfect life, death on the cross, and then resurrection from the dead.

His grace & love sustained us through our sorrow and we never doubted that He was in control of our situation and Mason’s life. We firmly believe, based on what the Bible says, that Mason, along with every infant and young child that has ever passed on from this life, is in heaven safe with God.  And we believe that one day we will see Mason again made whole and complete.

This morning we wanted to share with you some of our favorite Bible verses that gave us comfort and peace during our time of sorrow.

God said to a man named Jeremiah...

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you…”  Jeremiah 1:5a 

God knows us all and loves us all long before we’re ever born.

A man named David wrote...

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed from me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! Psalm 139:13-17.

God Himself is the Creator and the Author of life. Therefore, all life…even a very short life…is a precious life and a gift from God.

In Mark chapter 10 we’re told about how one day some people were bringing their little children, their infants and babies to see and visit Jesus. The account reads like this… 

"And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them 'Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.' And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them."  Mark 10:13-16

Jesus was indignant, Jesus was angry, that His disciples would try and prevent these little children from coming to Him. Jesus had a very special care and concern and love for these infants and little ones. Why is this? Why does Jesus love and care for these little ones? Throughout the Bible, we see the truth re-told again and again that God delights to save and use and love the weak and the helpless…and there is none so weak and helpless and innocent and precious as an infant...as a little child.

So what happens to little ones who die? Where are they? I believe that Jesus has already told us when He said….

“Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.”

There’s a man in the Bible named David. He was king over Israel and, like many of us, he had a son who only lived a few short days and then died. After his son’s death, David said something very profound and significant. He said....

"While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept, for I said, ‘Who knows whether the Lord will be gracious to me, that the child may live?’ But now he is dead. Why should I fast? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me.”  2 Samuel 12:22-23

David was comforted/confident in the fact that he would again see his son and go to be with his son.

As you well know, this world, this life, can be filled with trouble and sorrow and pain and death. That’s a fact. That’s reality. Is there any hope? Is there any comfort?

Listen to what Jesus said in: Matthew 11:28-29 

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

A Video From "Grace To You"

We hope that this video from "Grace To You" will be a help and encouragement to you! The couple featured in this video beautifully shows their hope and strength in the Lord even in the midst of great tragedy and loss. We pray that it will be a blessing to you.

Exciting New Opportunities!!!

This month at “4 Days to Eternity” Anna and I wanted to write telling you about some exciting new opportunities that the Lord has brought our way!

            A few months ago Anna and I were invited to speak at a “bereavement conference” put on by various hospitals in the Indianapolis area. In attendance were nurses who wanted to learn how to better help their patients who have lost babies. We shared our story with them hoping it would help them better learn how to care for parents who lose little ones. In the course of speaking with them we were able to talk freely and openly about the hope, joy and peace to be found in Christ and we were able to tell them about our outreach “4 Days to Eternity”.

            After the conference we stuck around to speak one on one with the nurses and, in the course of conversation, made contact with three new hospitals in the Indianapolis area! They have all graciously agreed to give away copies of “Safe In the Arms of God” to couples and families who lose little ones. This brings our total number of hospitals we are working with up to six! We are also currently supplying books to two funeral homes as well.

            In addition to the new hospitals we will be donating books too, the Lord has given us another speaking engagement with St. Vincent Women’s Hospital, the hospital were Mason was cared for. We have been invited to speak Saturday morning, August 20^th, to a group of parents who have recently lost babies. We will share our story with these parents, talk about Christ and His mercy and grace, and offer a free copy of “Safe In the Arms of God” to any in attendance.

            As difficult as it is to re-live and re-tell the story of Mason’s brief life and death, we are thankful for the opportunity to speak of Christ and of His glory and goodness. Please continue to pray that God would open opportunities to share the Gospel and the hope of eternal life.

A Prayer of Trust

This beautiful pray is found in "Safe In The Arms of God". It has been a wonderful blessing to me over the last year as it reminds me to fully rest in the Lord's perfect plan and to keep my eyes on Him as we walk the road He's prepared for us. I have this prayer written in my prayer journal where I can easily find it when needed.

"Lord, help me to express the joy that is befitting a Christian. Help me to trust You with the timetable of my life and the lives of all those I love. Help me to have a more eternal perspective on what happens to me and to those I love. Help me to learn and to discover what it is that You want me to know. Give me your wisdom. Help me to submit myself to Your will and to do so completely, in every area of my life. Help me to trust You that You know what is best for me. You desire to bring about what is best for my life, and You are at work causing all things to come together for my eternal good and the eternal good of all those I love. I pray this with faith, Lord. I look for the answers You will give as I pray in Jesus' name, Amen" 

Safe In The Arms of God pg. 149

It is our prayer that this prayer will be a blessing to you as you seek to mend your broken heart and let go of the "why" questions so you can go on fully trusting the Lord and His plan for you and your family members' lives.

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts,

Nor are your ways My ways," says the Lord.

"For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

So are My ways higher than your ways,

And My thoughts than your thoughts."

Isaiah 55:8-9