It Was Not Wicked for the Lord to Take Our Son

On March 31, my husband, Ernie, and I walked into labor and delivery. I was 33 weeks pregnant, and we had come to monitor our son’s movement. We had little concern, thinking we’d be leaving within an hour or two. Perhaps I just needed to drink more fluids or get more rest. Not all babies are super active; maybe he was just so big that there wasn’t much room. These were several of my thoughts as I was just waiting. But after six or seven doctors and nurses looked over the sonogram of our son, they quickly decided they needed to do an emergency cesarean because they weren’t sure why he wasn’t responding. Our emotions could not keep up with the events. I found myself changing into in a hospital gown, wheeling around for a spinal shot. I was instantly numb and entering the first surgery of my life, completely unprepared. Haddon Brooks Blanco arrived within about 20 minutes, 6 weeks early. Through a lot of tears, confusion, and fear, Ernie and I still looked at each other with joy that our son was here, not knowing that we had entered into the darkest weekend of our lives.

Haddon struggled through severe anemia and a virus, and his sweet daddy visited him nearly every hour, loving his little son who looked almost identical to him. For 40 hours we were with him, hearing a roller coaster of good news and bad news. On April 2, the Lord took our sweet boy to be with him. Just before he passed, we were able to sing to him. Ernie sang “It Is Well” and I hummed “A Mighty Fortress” the best I could. I held him for the first time, telling him we’d see him soon. I passed him to Ernie, and when the time came to take all the machines off, Ernie quoted Numbers 6:24-26 as the last words Haddon could hear:

The LORD bless you, and keep you;
The LORD make his face shine on you,
And be gracious to you;
The LORD lift up his countenance on you,
And give you peace.

As our plans as parents have been thrown into confusion and sadness, we are faced with the question of what happens next. I long each morning to wake up to a crying baby to console in my arms. Ernie longs to come home from a long day of work to play with his son, and each time we walk to the garage we have to pass an empty nursery painted in blue. Through each seemingly impossible fear that rushes to our minds, the Lord has calmed us with several great truths about himself and our circumstance.

The Lord Does Not Delight in Wickedness

It was not wicked for the Lord to take our son. The Lord does not delight in wickedness or evil, his Word tells us in Psalm 5:4. His Word in Psalm 89:14 tells us that his throne is actually built on a foundation of righteousness and justice. I think this is how we can grieve well, when we long to take care and hold our son, to remember God’s foundation of righteousness in all that he does as we grieve in a world of sin and death. Somehow, in the death of our son, God will show us a greater picture of his goodness. Somehow, for our good, this is going to make us look more like his Son, Jesus.

God Is Still on Plan A

Ernie has reminded me that God is still on plan A in his plan of redemption. When Haddon died, God was not surprised or needed to start a plan B because something went wrong. 1 and 2 Peter reminded me that all the trials and suffering I will face here will result in praise and glory in the great day of Jesus Christ when he returns again. Haddon’s death has been part of God’s plan from eternity past; nothing is out of his control.

Haddon Is Now Looking Upon the Face of Mercy

There is a sweetness and gentleness of God that I’ve felt in my pain as I cry out to him, as I sit in Haddon’s nursery, and as I read my Bible. The same sweet, gentle, and kind God is the same God who took my boy to safety. He is in a place where he can see the love of God and hear the gospel of Jesus purely without the distractions of a sinful world. When you watch your son breathe his last, you have an overwhelming sense of not being able to control anything. But I don’t have to worry as his mother about his moment of passing from death to life, because he was instantly and safely ushered into the presence of Christ. Haddon was able to look upon the face of mercy and be sick no more.

Haddon Will Rise Again

This same gentle God got us through his burial with an amazing peace. I dreaded seeing his tiny casket, but when the time came the Holy Spirit quickly reminded me he is not there, but only his body, which he suffers in no longer. He reminded me that, just as Jesus rose from the grave, so too will Haddon rise again. The weight of that peace was unlike any peace I’ve experienced in my entire life. I looked around at all the baby graves, which were many, imagining all these babies one day rising to glory. I love hearing myself say it,Haddon will rise again. It’s our hope for our little boy.

Our Eternal Joy Is Yet to Come

My aching heart is learning to believe that being a mother is not my ultimate happiness. I understand, in a way I never did before, that this world is not a place where we will feel eternal joy. When the people of God finally stand before Christ, who took the punishment for their sin, they will feel the fulfilling, eternal joy that they long to feel here on earth. God has not promised those who belong to him a quick and easy road to heaven, but he does get us there, he promises. Until then, he’s assured us he is “near the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18).

My Greatest Need Is Taken Care Of

Through many tears and days of great sadness, we want people to know that the only reason we feel comfort in our grief is because Jesus has taken the punishment of our sin, has been raised from the dead, and has crushed death. For the Christian, death is not the end. The Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes even calls death “greater than our day of birth” (Ecc. 7:1). For those who do not lean upon Jesus Christ as the great Savior from sin, death is the great entrance to eternal punishment, and their life now is the best they will ever have, because eternity after will be torment. I pray you would know this good news today and trust in Christ, the great conquerer of death.

Lisa Blanco lives in Tucson, Arizona with her husband, Ernie, who is a Bible Teacher at Pusch Ridge Christian Achademy. Lisa enjoys writing in her free time.

Trusting God with Infertility and Miscarriage

Today we have a special message from Lisa Martin. She had a chance to share at a ladies event at her church. She did a beautiful job presenting the hope and security we can find in Christ even in the midst of sorrow, hardship, and trials. I think that this would be helpful for everyone and anyone to listen too. I'm sure it will be a blessing to you and will better equip you to love and comfort those who have experienced the loss of a baby or who are struggling with infertility.

LISTEN HERE

Throughout the message, Lisa shares many wonderful resources. Below you can find links to all of them. I look forward to reading many of them myself!

Right Thinking in a World Gone Wrong by John MacArthur and the Leadership Team at Grace Community Church.

Trusting God: Even When Life Hurts by Jerry Bridges

Grace Grows Best in Winter by Margaret Clarkson

Safe in the Arms of God: Truth from Heaven About the Death of a Child by John MacArthur

The Letter of Samuel Rutherford by Samuel Rutherford

God's Faithful Discipline Sermon by John MacArthur

Girl Talk Blog Posts:

No Grace for "What If?" by Carolyn Mahaney

Tell Your Soul by Nicole Whitacre

Q & A - A Holy Longing by Nicole Whitacre

When Someone Else Gets What We Want by Nicole Whitacre

A Battle Plan for Fighting Envy by Carolyn Mahaney

Pressing On Part 3

Today we have part 3 of Julie's story. If you missed the first two parts you can find part 1 here and part 2 here.

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Six more months passed.

Because no medical reasons had been found for the last two miscarriages, we stepped out in faith again, after much prayer and waiting, to have another baby. Again, the Lord opened my womb and I was pregnant in April.  We made our announcement on our parents’ anniversaries-which both happened to be on June 6. They were excited, but with some hesitation due to the recent loss. It was understandable, as Josh and I had been through the same emotions.  But we really thought everything was going to be fine this time.  What were the chances that we would have another miscarriage? 

Everything was going well throughout the summer. Two of our friends were also expecting around the same time and we were looking forward to having our babies grow up together.  In July, we heard a good strong heartbeat at the doctor’s office.  But that would be the last time.  Within 3 days of that appointment, another life quietly slipped away, unbeknownst to any of us.  It wouldn’t be for another 3 ½ weeks until I went in for another appointment that we would learn this information. After having some cramping, I went in a few days early to see my doctor.  I figured she would tell me to drink a little more water and try to stay off my feet for awhile.  As she began looking for the heartbeat, I heard the same words from 10 months earlier, “Where are you hiding baby?”  I thought, “This is surreal. I feel like I’ve already done this before-Dr. R’s saying the same things, but this can’t be real. It just can’t be happening again.”  Sure enough, within a few more minutes, I was looking at our baby on a large screen, but seeing no movement or heartbeat. I was supposed to be 17 weeks pregnant. 

At that moment, I went into “auto-pilot.”  I had done this before, so I knew what to expect.  This time though, my emotions seemed to be hiding from me.  The tears and sadness were different, more for how others were going to react, rather than for myself.  I tried to praise the Lord, but all I really wanted to do was be alone.  I didn’t understand why we were losing another child, but I was trusting in the Lord for the reason.   We couldn’t even call our parents that day.   We felt numb.  In shock. Depleted.  And I hadn’t even delivered the baby yet.

But God was so good to us during the loss.  On August 10, the day of our 8^th anniversary, I was going to the hospital to have another baby that I wouldn’t get to bring home.  I was so thankful that my doctor was on call, and that the nurses I had come to know were tending to my needs.  Two of our pastors, including Chris Fritz, spent some time with us at the hospital.  The baby came quickly, after about 4 hours of labor.  My doctor stayed past her shift to be there with us.  I had a hunch with this pregnancy that this baby was a boy, and I was right.  We named him Matthew Levi.  He was smaller than Haddie had been and his color was grey.  I wasn’t prepared for that.  I cried for the loss of this baby and the dreams we had for him.  Another baby of ours was now safe in the arms of God.  To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.

I continued to pray, “Lord, what are we supposed to learn from this?  What did we miss the last time around?  Please don’t let us miss the lesson you are trying to teach us.” 

The placenta was delivered 15 hours later, early the next morning. I was so weak from losing a lot of blood.  Somehow, by the grace of God, I was able to make it home that afternoon.  But by the evening, I received a call that told me the ordeal was not over yet. Not all of the placenta had been removed, and I was at risk for continued blood loss or infection. I would still have to have a D & C to remove the rest of the placenta.  At this point, I really began to think that I could not survive a surgery because I was so weak. After a lot of tears, I finally accepted the thought that I might die before the week ended.  And yet, there was a peace in my spirit about that.  I knew that I would be in the presence of the Lord, should He decide it was my time to go.  I knew that my faith was in Christ and His finished work on the cross that took my sins away.  I knew that it was He who gives me eternal life, and I found myself longing to be with my babies who never knew sin. I was ready to go. 

I meditated on the Psalms a lot that week. The Lord helped me to remember that He is my Rock, my Redeemer, my Good Shepherd, my Strong Tower, my Refuge, my very present Help in time of need.  He again provided truth for us to meditate on when things seemed so unclear.

I awoke from surgery and immediately realized I was not in Heaven. God still had a purpose for my life here on Earth.  I would still know the joy of being a wife to Josh and a mother to Lydia and Isaac.   

God was gracious to answer our question, “What are we supposed to learn from this experience?”  In due time, we learned about a genetic blood clotting disorder that I have, called Factor V (five) Leiden.  This was most likely what caused the babies to die-a blood clot that stopped the flow of blood to the baby. In God’s sovereignty, He showed us something that we otherwise would never have known.  He didn’t have to, but we are so thankful that He did. We have closure on the past, and information for the future.  We also realized that our two healthy children were an even bigger miracle, considering that this condition existed through my pregnancies with each of them. 

Looking back, we have seen how God prepared us with our first miscarriage, so early into the pregnancy, to be ready for the second and third miscarriages. We have seen how His hand was moving and guiding us each time to be surrounded by the people who would show us His love and compassion.  We experienced a peace that passes all understanding and strength that comes through Christ to face some of our most difficult challenges as a married couple. We have been blessed with two healthy children that we are striving to raise for the glory of God. We have counted it all joy when we have fallen into these various trials, knowing that our faith has been tested.  We have gotten a new glimpse into the character of God.  And we have been blessed.  

Pressing On Part 2

Today we have Part 2 of Julie's story. If you missed part on you can read it here.

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Seven months later, our story continued.

I had wanted a spring baby, so after our time of waiting, we decided to try again to have another baby.  I got pregnant right away in July 2009.  We rejoiced that God was going to bless us with another baby and everything seemed to be going along well.  At the 6 week checkup we saw the heartbeat and the little baby moving around in my womb.  We breathed a sigh of relief, and started making plans to tell our families.  Our daughter drew a picture of our family, and we copied the ultrasound picture of the baby, cut it out and pasted it in my belly.  We used that picture to announce to our families that we had a new life growing in my womb and we were so excited!  

Everything was progressing well and I felt the first kick during a church service at about 16 weeks.  I smiled, thinking that this baby must like music!

On October 26, 2009, things changed again.  I had gone to a routine doctor’s appointment and had brought the kids along with me.  Lydia was now 4 and Isaac was 2.  I was so excited that they would get to hear the heartbeat at the appointment.  We had heard it at home the week before with a heart Doppler, so we didn’t think anything of it when my doctor couldn’t pick up the heartbeat right away.  I started praying, “God, this would be a good time for the baby to move so she can hear it.”  She decided she would bring in the small ultrasound machine to get a better view of what was going on.  I was excited that the kids would get to see the baby moving on the screen.  Dr. R’s demeanor changed when she turned on the ultrasound.  She wasn’t seeing any movement and still could not pick up a heartbeat.  She was going to have me move down the hall to the bigger machine to get a better view.  I told the kids, “We need to pray that God will let the heartbeat be heard and found.”  I was starting to get a little worried, especially since my husband was at work and had no idea that any of this was going on.  I did not want to carry this burden alone.  I was finally able to reach him on my cell phone and said, “Dr. R. can’t find a heartbeat, she’s taking me in for an ultrasound, please pray” and then my call got dropped. 

I was looking up at a large screen now, a view of our baby at 16 weeks.  Things looked normal and I was so happy to see how much bigger (she) was.  But Dr. R and the nurse zoomed in on the chest, and there was no movement.  When she said, “I’m so sorry. . .” I knew what she was telling me, but in my mind I kept thinking, “Just wait . . . the baby will move . . . .you’ll see the heartbeat.”  In just a few moments, I went from being pregnant, to having a lifeless child in my womb.  How do things like this “just happen?” 

I turned to the nurse and the words just rolled off my tongue:  “The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away. . . I guess this baby wasn’t ours to keep.” 

I turned to my doctor assuming that I would have to have another D & C and she told me that since I was further along this time, I’d have to go through labor to deliver the baby.  That is when the tears went from leaking from my eyes, to a cry of “O God, how can I do this?”

As we left, I was crying and Lydia asked me why.  I told her our baby died and was in heaven with Jesus now.  She asked me why the baby died.  I didn’t know, but God did.  He may not tell us why, but He was still good.  She was okay with that answer, even if none of us knew the full answer.

We had just talked on Sunday morning about Philippians 4:4  “Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice.” What does that mean?  It means that we don’t rejoice in our circumstances because sometimes, they aren’t good.  But we are to rejoice in God, in His unchanging character and attributes, on His Sovereignty, on His love and kindness, on His mercy, on His everything.  God’s timing was again, perfect, in this situation.  So as we drove home, we began to do just what that verse says.  We rejoiced in God.

The day passed slowly as I kept praying for a miracle.  I knew that since God had healed Jairus’s daughter, it would be just as possible for Him to let our baby’s heart start beating again.  But God had another plan, and a few hours later, I was finally able to accept His “no” and move into the next phase.  That night, we called our families again.  It had only been 10 months since we had made similar phone calls, and it was no easier this time.  In fact, it was more difficult as we had already had a time to celebrate, and now we had to face what would be one of our darkest hours in the days to come.  Once again, God showed us His compassion through the tears of our family and friends. 

Interesting things began to happen the next day.  The exact people I needed to talk to called me throughout the day.  They shared of their losses at 3 and 7 and even 9 months into their pregnancies.  They prepared me for the delivery and the emotional aftermath.  They were a gift from the Lord. And then I got a call from a friend who shared that she’d just lost her baby in the 6^th week of her pregnancy.   In the midst of my sorrow, God put someone in my path to comfort through the experience of my first loss.  His timing is perfect. 

Two days had now passed, and Josh and I were preparing to go to the hospital in the early morning.  There was no hurry this time.  I hadn’t slept well during the night, so I had read through a book by Osswald Chambers called  My Utmost For His Highest. 

I found the passages on suffering to be especially applicable.

One passage (Nov 1) said, “God breaks up the private life of His saints, and makes it a thoroughfare for the world on the one hand and for Himself on the other . . . Why shouldn’t we go through heartbreaks?  Through those doorways God is opening up ways of fellowship with His Son.  . . . He comes with the grip of the pierced hand of His Son, and says-“Enter into fellowship with Me; arise and shine.”  If through a broken heart God can bring His purposes to pass in the world, then thank Him for breaking your heart.”

Another one (Nov 5) said, “If you are going to be used by God, He will take you through a multitude of experiences that are not meant for you at all, they are meant to make you useful in His hands, and to enable you to understand what transpires in other souls so that you will never be surprised at what you come across.”

Another one (Dec 15) “Always make a practice of provoking your own mind to think out what it accepts easily.  Our position is not ours until we make it ours by suffering.  The author who benefits you most is not the one who tells you something you did not know before, but the one who gives expression to the truth that has been dumbly struggling in you for utterance. . . .  Lord, I would bless and praise Thee, but how hard I find it to praise Thee when I am not physically fit, yet why should it be so?  This means that I praise Thee only when it is a pleasure to me.  I would that my soul were one continual praise to Thee!”

Again, we marvel at the people God kept putting in our path-to let us know that He was with us and understood our pain.  My nurse in the morning had lost 2 babies during 2 pregnancies and knew what we were going though.  Another nurse was an answer to prayer, as she was a Christian and was so kind to us.  Yet another nurse during the day would be used to give us hope, a year into the future.  God’s timing was perfect, again.

Our little baby girl, Hadassah Grace, was delivered around 5:30 that evening.  As I held her, the first thing I remember saying and thinking was, “AMAZING!”  This little baby, only 3 ½ months old and just over 6 inches long, was a perfectly formed little person.  Her right hand was laid across her chest and we saw her fingernails on the ends of her tiny little hands.  Her little feet were so tiny, and yet the toes and nails were so clearly seen.  Her tiny little head had closed eyes, and a sweet little nose and tight lips.  Her skinny little arms and legs reminded me of the kids.   I didn’t cry at this time, because I was just in awe of the handiwork of God in an infant so young.  My thought was, “let no one ever tell you a fetus is just a blob of tissue to abort.”  That is a lie straight from the devil!

We were given some time alone with our baby, and as we prayed, we cried; and as we cried, we prayed.  This is one of the very few times in my life that I have ever seen my husband cry.  It was very humbling. 

I’m so thankful that we took some pictures of our little girl.  They are the only ones we will ever have of her.  They are the only reminder of a life that was so short, but so powerful and meaningful to us. 

These footprints are only about 5/8” long, but left a huge print on our hearts.

We left the hospital empty handed that night, but with a greater view of God at work in us, especially in the hidden places of the womb.  We adjusted to a new normal, and moved ahead with our lives, so thankful for the children we had at home.  

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Read part 3 here, and if you missed part 1 you can find it here.

Pressing On Part 1

Over the last few years we have had the pleasure of getting to know Julie Leonard and her family. Julie and her husband Josh have been a wonderful testimony to us as we have seen them walk a road of sorrow & loss and as they have faithfully trusted in the Lord through this time in their lives. Today Julie will be sharing the first part of her story. We'll post the 2nd and 3rd part of her story each Friday of the next two weeks.

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Our story began around Christmas, 2008. 

I was 5 ½ weeks pregnant and Christmas was quickly approaching.  Our daughter, Lydia, was 3 and our son, Isaac was 15 months old. This pregnancy was a bit more of a surprise than the first two, but we were learning to prepare for another baby.  We always liked to share our good news with family in a creative way.  But this time, Josh and I were having a difficult time coming up with something fun.  We finally decided to include an extra photo matte and frame with a Christmas gift, thinking we would surprise his family on Christmas day.  How interesting that when the time came for the gift to be opened, neither of us said anything about the pregnancy.  Instead, we played it off like it was “just an extra one in case you need it someday.”  Within minutes of that gift being opened, I was in the bathroom and noticed some red spotting.  I tried not to panic, but knew I had to share this information with Josh, without making a big deal of it in front of all the family members who didn’t even know I was pregnant!  I was able to sneak out for a little while and call my doctor-who told me to take it easy for the next few days.  I felt relieved with that, and went back to finish celebrating Christmas that afternoon.

The next day, I was feeling okay and the spotting had almost stopped, so I figured everything would be fine.  We drove out of state that afternoon to celebrate Christmas with my family.  We still didn’t make any announcements, and now felt like we really needed to wait a little longer.  In the middle of the night, I awoke with heavy bleeding and spent the next 2 hours in the bathroom, convinced that this miscarriage was for a reason and that God had known it would happen, even down to the timing.  I don’t remember all the thoughts that went through my head, but one that I do remember was how common early trimester miscarriages occur.  About 25% of pregnancies end within the first trimester, especially in the first 6 weeks.  I have always thought that it was God’s way of taking care of a child that would not have survived anyway.  Looking back, I see that for us, it was really a precursor of things to come in our lives. 

I had assumed that I completely miscarried that night, only to return home and find out two days later at my doctor’s appointment, that the baby was still in my womb.  What I had thought was a normal occurrence among women, now became a bigger issue.  Over the next five days, I would wait for the baby to come out on its own, only to find that it wouldn’t.  One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, was call my family and tell them that I had just lost a baby, when I had never first had the joy of telling them that there was one.  Through those phone calls and tears, God was showing me what His compassion looks like through people.  My family and friends cried with me.  They felt the sadness almost as much as we did.  I never realized how much a miscarriage can affect many more people besides the mother.  I learned very quickly that I was not alone in my plight.  So many friends, people I knew, came out with their stories of miscarriages.  As they shared their stories, I found myself comforted by their common experience, and realized there was a whole group of people praying for us.  Eight days after Christmas, I had a D & C to remove the remains of the baby.  God’s comfort and the people around us, carried us through that experience.  

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Read part 2 here. Read part 3 here.

Hope in the Valley

Today's guest post is by a dear and long time fiend of ours, Lisa Martin. Lisa and her husband John serve at Grace Community Church in Sun Valley. They lead the music ministry there for the college group "Crossroads". They also play a big role in leading and organizing the "Resolved Conference" and are the voices behind and founders of the group "Enfield". They are dear friends and have, in their walk with Christ, experienced loss & sadness and have found Him faithful. We trust that what Lisa shares will be a great encouragement and help to you. 

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Why are you in despair, O my soul?
And why have you become disturbed within me?
Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him,
The help of my countenance and my God.
Psalm 42:11 (NASB)

This week marks five years since our first little one went to be Jesus. If you had asked me then what I anticipated for the next five years, I could not have imagined where our path would lead. God has seen fit to take my husband and me through a long valley in which we have weathered five miscarriages and many months of infertility. These years have brought heartache, fear, pain, incessant doctor appointments, difficult questions, self-pity and doubt. But these years have also been filled with joy, blessings, mercy, grace, sweet fellowship, trust, worship, and hope. We have known the Father's loving and sovereign care at every turn.

Well-meaning friends respond to our trial in different ways. Some will try to encourage me by saying, "I just know the Lord is going to give you kids!" Others will tell me about someone they know who also had several miscarriages -- but now have more kids than they know what to do with.  While I appreciate the heart behind their efforts to encourage me, this Pollyanna-like wishful thinking all too quickly becomes a snare for my heart and sets my mind clinging to the wrong hope.

Maintaining hope through the long-haul has not been easy but I've come to understand that it is simple. When I fall into self-pity and doubt it is because I have placed my hope in the wrong thing. Hope that rests in having children is ultimately empty. Hope that rests in having the picture-perfect life I planned for myself is ultimately a dead-end. Only hope that rests in Christ and His Cross is sure, satisfying and eternal. All other ground is truly sinking sand. Only Christ is certain. Only Christ is solid ground. The Lord has not promised me children; He has promised me Himself. My hope is in the Gospel. (Psalm 130:7, Lamentations 3:19-24, Ephesians 1:18, 1 Timothy 6:17, Hebrews 6:16:20, Hebrews 12:1-2, 1 Peter 1:3-9)

One of our favorite albums from Sovereign Grace Music (http://bit.ly/9nnok3) is called Come Weary Saints. The first track is a wonderful song called Hide Away in the Love of Jesus. Here are the lyrics to the final verse:

Come hopeless hearts, do not despair
Hide away in the love of Jesus
For ten thousand joys await you there
Hide away in the love of Jesus 

These comforting lyrics immediately bring to mind the joys that await us in heaven; sinless, painless, perfect fellowship with God, unhindered worship, reuniting with saints already there and meeting our five children. But there is comfort in the mean time as well. Thankfully, this is a truth that also applies in the midst of our suffering. There are ten thousand joys that await me right now through abiding in His love. I often find myself thinking that I need children, but what I really need is Him -- and only Him. How do I maintain hope? Unshaken hope comes when God's grace causes me to see that He is all I have and He is everything I need.

At the end of the day, I can honestly say that I am thankful for this valley. No, I would not have chosen this path -- but our kind Father has allowed it for our good and His glory. And indeed God's goodness is evident. He has given us a clearer vision of His character even as we have cried out to Him. He is using this trial to refine us, to reveal our sin, to make us thankful, to cause us to loosen our grip on this world and long for our heavenly home -- as we draw close and hide away in the love of Jesus.